didn't anyone realize.

so while you were talking about me, spreading rumors, telling lies, did you happen to know what i was going through? i mean, besides the drama you were putting me through? no, you didn't, because i didn't want to be the one causing drama or trying to be a drama queen. i didn't want or feel the need of everyone's pity.

so as my mom was getting readily more and more sick from her increasing cervical cancer, i withdrew myself from the world because i wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. i didn't want to tell everyone, i didn't want you to act sad to my face and talk behind my back and i did not want pity. i wanted to be left alone.

so i'm sorry that in me pulling away from everyone, i realized what i really need is support and friendship. i'm sorry that i came off as self centered and snotty and i left school crying numerous times and came to school with lack of sleep. i'm sorry i never got around to calling you or asking you all about your day because i was at doctor's appointments holding her hand.

i am sorry that you were so concerned with yourself that you failed to see that one of your friend's lives was falling apart, but i'm not going to take the satisfaction of telling you this now and letting you feel guilty or like a huge jerk. you will never know what you've done, how you ruined this friendship after all it had survived. all because the focus wasn't solely on you.

i'm just done. i don't know what to say to you anymore. i apologise for coming off as snotty, for 'acting like i was better than everyone else'. i don't really know why i apologised anymore. i did nothing wrong. but you are also never going to realize that you did. so this will go no where.

so yeah, you sit alone too and stare at me when you think i'm not looking. i'll sit alone too, laughing inside because i know it is only your pride stopping you from coming and taking a seat and spilling the latest details of some gossip story. we'll just sit alone and you can pretend all you want you're happy.