cus i love the way you call me baby, and you take me the way i am

i'm aloud to mourn after an entire two years of sharing my life with someone
right?
it just gets me down sometimes
so down, so low, so sad
down, as in
sitting in bed, reading sad love stories and bawling my eyes out while stuffing my mouth with candy and popcorn.

i don't have to want you back
or even, for that matter, think this deserves a second chance.
but i get to mourn
and think to myself how sad it is that after two years of spending every waking moment together
that some things, this included, are simply not meant to be.

if someone would have warned me of this feeling two years ago, i honestly don't know what i would do.

t'was the ring tone.

t'was not the morning sun that awoke me
nor was it the cry of the pigeon in my backyard
not the shouts and hollers of family members
nor the cats incessant clawing at the door
that awoke me from my slumber

t'was the ring tone
(please don't stop the music, of course)
that alerted myself
of your impeding phone call
and had me sitting upright, alert, at eight a.m.

thank you
for keeping your word
and lulling me to sleep with your kind voice

you are one of a kind, i am yet to find a way to tell you this.

i'm not unfaithfull but i'll stray.

i just want back in your head.

trampoline hopping and puddle jumping.

pull up to my driveway
i'll see you through my window
sweatpants and knit hats
we shall go for a run
and run away from everything we shall.

pull up to my driveway
i'll see you through my window
school bags and bio textbook
we shall drive to school
and everyone will whisper about us when we come to class late.

awkward silences are unbeknown to us.
we walk through the streets
late at night
goofing around
pushing each other into the puddles
soaked
from head to toe

then
in the most ridiculous act of childish behavior
we
hop your ex-girlfriend's trampoline.
and
as she stares furiously from her bedroom window
you
grab my hand
and
we run through the field.

don't ever leave me.
don't ever leave me.
don't ever leave me.

my heart is small, it is black, it is overlooked
and forgotten
but it is yours if you'd like.

drunken kisses on my neck
so soft and gentle
so soft
and
gentle.

everyone is watching, everyone is watching, everyone
is
watching
us
perfect
on
the
dance floor.

call me when you say you will and i shall always answer.

possibly the worst feeling ever.

possibly the worst feeling ever
is when you,
an intelligent, pretty, funny, popular,
type "a" personality,
take a chance
on the
slightly nerdy, dorky, goofy looking, quiet,
type "b"
and they in turn
screw you over.
royally.

when did it become
that as soon as you give someone the time of day
it goes straight to their head?

and you, you and your pink cheeks
you and your shiny eyes
you and your sarcastically sweet smile.

you picked her.

you and your laundry detergent smell.

i understand why you did what you did.
i holler over the music.
you lean in, anticipating my lips on yours,
and are greeted instead with this;
i've figured you out.
i know who you are.
i know what you stand for.
i know what you did to me.

you stutter.
struggling for words
don't lie, i know all about her
she has a boyfriend, she is young, she is easily influenced.
you took advantage
because you have an ego?
because you became dashingly good looking this past year?
or because deep inside your hard coating of cockiness and sarcasm
is a boy
who honestly doesn't feel confident at all
who feels alone
and deserted
but no one knows that but me.

you must have already forgotten
our moments under the sun
our long talks
in your car
in front of the basketball net
or on the beach.

i
spilled
every
feeling
to
you.

so no,
i don't want to dance.
and no,
we can't be friends.
and no,
i won't pass you my answers for the math test.
and damn you,
damn you and your laundry detergent smell.

so fresh and clean
that is a lie.